Love Yourself First: The Leadership Lesson I Wish I’d Learned Sooner

For years, I believed leadership meant giving everything to everyone else - my business, my team, my family, my community - until there was nothing left for me. I wore my exhaustion like a badge of honour, convinced that self-sacrifice was the ultimate measure of success.

The truth? It wasn’t noble. It was unsustainable.

The Trap of External Validation

Like many leaders, I chased approval without even realising it. I thought if I worked harder, achieved more, and made everyone around me happy, I’d finally feel valued.

But every achievement only gave me a short-lived high, quickly replaced by a deeper emptiness. I’d push harder, take on more, and hide the sleepless nights behind a smile. All it did was inflate my ego on the outside while quietly eating away at my wellbeing on the inside.

The Turning Point

The breakthrough came unexpectedly during a health retreat. I went there looking for rest. Instead, I got a wake-up call.

I still remember the facilitator’s words:

“How can you expect someone to respect you if you don’t respect yourself?”

“How can you expect someone to care for you if you don’t care for yourself?”

Those words stopped me cold.

I realised I’d been demanding from others what I wasn’t giving to myself. My exhaustion, frustration, and constant need to prove my worth weren’t signs of commitment - they were symptoms of neglect.

That retreat was my first introduction to the importance of self-care, self-love, and self-respect. And once you develop these three, you no longer crave the world’s validation - you create your own.

Why Self-Love is Non-Negotiable for Leaders

Self-love isn’t a luxury. It’s the foundation of effective, sustainable leadership.

When you value yourself, you:

Set boundaries without guilt - protecting your energy and focus.

Lead with clarity and conviction - decisions come from vision, not fear.

Model resilience - showing your team that wellbeing fuels performance.

When leaders are whole, they lead from a place of strength, not depletion.

From Survival to Purpose

For years, I thought my story wasn’t worth telling - I was just trying to survive. But the moment I learned to love and respect myself, everything changed.

My business became stronger. My relationships deepened. My leadership had more impact than I thought possible - because it was coming from a place of wholeness, not sacrifice.

The Lesson I Pass On

If there’s one truth I wish I’d embraced earlier, it’s this: Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.

Love yourself enough to rest. Respect yourself enough to say no. Care for yourself enough to protect your own peace.

When you do, you’ll stop chasing approval - and start leading with purpose, confidence, and heart.